


Confessions & Families

by thegirlwiththepurpleglasses



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25201612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththepurpleglasses/pseuds/thegirlwiththepurpleglasses
Summary: It’s just a very short little fluffy one shot where Barba realises he can’t take Olivia thinking she’s anything less than perfect. And so, he puts aside his own inhibitions and insecurities and tells the truth about how he feels.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	Confessions & Families

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this some years ago as a teen and I’ve only edited it now, not changed anything. So be kind to my 16 year old self.
> 
> ***DISCLAIMER  
> Obviously I don’t own any of the L&O franchise, characters or fictional universe, all rights of these belong to Dick Wolf, I’m simply borrowing his characters for a lil non-commercial transformative work of love confessions.

This one had been a particularly troublesome case, the witnesses were few and far between and the ones they did have hadn’t exactly been complying, but they couldn't afford not to keep them. Rafael hated doing this to Olivia, but he knew they needed Nestor Hynch to win this case. A crooked little man, he sat hunched over on the witness stand, a million years old. He was what someone more affable than Rafael Barba would call “old-fashioned”, so set in his ways and so determined to share his personal opinions on the case no amount of subtle redirection could stop him from preaching his hateful views to the jury. Besides, Barba knew he was making a mockery of himself openly wrestling with his own witness in open court. He couldn’t help himself though, he knew what it would do to her if the man said someth-

“He had to have done it...just look at his father’s rap sheet, he was born to rape.” 

Barba was mentally flogging himself. There had to have been another way to win this case, one that wouldn’t make her face crumple like that, from the second row of the gallery. Fuck.

_________________________________________

It’s past too late to be in the office, even for Barba, but still he sits at his desk watching the seconds tick past, cradling a glass of scotch to dull the pain and the pounding in his head, the ticking of the clock drums a dull rhythm into his skull.

thump....thump....thump.... 

It feels like his heartbeat. It feels like it’s the only thing left that he can feel. Rafael can’t take it anymore, he feels himself rise from his chair, and before he can process what he’s doing he tips his head back draining the remaining scotch from the tumbler, a last ditch effort for some liquid courage before he runs out of the building. Hailing a taxi, he tries desperately to think of what to say to her, but before he can, he’s at the precinct.

Rafael takes a deep breath as he steps out of the elevator, knowing he’s about to ruin his life, but god if there’s anything worth ruining his life for, it’s her. Before he can talk himself out of it, he sees her in the middle of the squad room, he sees her looking more beautiful than she ever has before. He sees her. She’s all he ever sees, always, even when he closes his eyes he can’t stop seeing her, she’s so perfect, god, he needs to get a grip, but there‘s no time for that now. If there’s any time he needs raw, unhinged courage it’s now. And now his feet are moving across the room and before he can process what’s happening he starts talking;

"I fucked up, I let my feelings get in the way of a case. I can't do that."

Olivia frowns, looking up from the papers she had been studying,

“Rafael? What do you mean?”

His own shock at the candid verbalisation mirrored back at him from her chocolate brown eyes, eerily calm, he continues:

"Nestor Hynch. I couldn't take him saying those things. You were holding back tears I could see it. You’re a strong woman Liv, but these things get to you. They-they shouldn’t. You’re so much more than what you see. You're so damn near perfect it scares me and you never even see it. You’re intelligent and determined, and dedicated, and so accomplished. Just because your father was a rapist, it doesn't make you any less of a good person, hell somehow it made you a better person than I thought anyone was capable of. You try your hardest to get justice for these victims, I see it every day, you never give up on them, it's admirable, you're admirable. It is so easy for this work to become faceless case numbers, crime scenes, night after night spent sleeping at your desk, I understand that more than anyone. This work takes it’s toll, you can feel it in your bones. But you wouldn’t know it looking at you, you glow. You spend every day surrounded by the dregs of humanity and still you’re so beautiful at the end of the day. Inside and out. Olivia you’re an angel. You save so many lives, hell you saved my life, I was barely living, sleepwalking through life and then you come into my life and everything changes. I don’t know if I even felt anything before, I don’t even remember how it felt to be alive before you.”

He pauses for a moment, but he’s gotten this far, what’s his last shred of dignity? Although he can feel an involuntary tear roll down his left cheek, and he doesn’t quite remember when the lump in his throat got there, he presses onward, voice shaking for the first time since he was a boy. 

“Olivia Margaret Benson, that is why I have loved you since the moment I met you, and that love has only grown since.”

"I-“

“But that makes me the weak link in our team, the reason these depraved men will get away, the reason they will hurt more innocent people. I'm putting everyone in danger by acting like a hormonal teenager.”

The shame and self doubt he buried deep inside himself years ago bubbles to the surface, spilling out as she watches his cheeks flush scarlet with a deep shade of self hatred. The knife in his heart twists deeper as he feels simultaneously compelled to and ridiculous for adding;

“Not to mention it's ridiculous, you could have your pick of men, hell, any man. You wouldn't choose me. I could never be good enough for you."

"It doesn't make you any less of a man to love someone." She frowns

"That's not what I meant." he sighs in frustration as he draws his eyebrows together in a pained expression, running a hand across his face in frustration 

“You're still strong." she argued

"Spare me the pity Liv." he spits, almost venomously, as if he’s able to put venom into anything he says to her. He’s ashamed at his own stupidity, what did he think was going to happen? She’d quell his fears, tell him he really was enough? That she, fearless, beautiful Olivia Benson, would settle for him?

She puts a hand on his forearm, a glimmer of laughter glistens in her eyes

“Rafael. I love you. I love you too. Of course I love you.”

“What?” His eyes meet hers, 

“I’m far from having my pick of any man, but even if I did, I’d choose you, every time. I love you Rafael Barba.”

Her voice unwavering, she continues on,

“You’re not weak or pathetic and never again tell me you’re not good enough for me because I’ve never met a man as inherently good or as worthy as you. Worthy of every damn good thing in this world. You’re determined and strong willed and honest and passionate and-“

She falters for barely a millisecond as a blue eyed ghost of a man flits through her memory, but she brushes aside the past and looks into the eyes of her future;

“And you’re probably the greatest man I hav-no I ever will meet. Just promise me one thing Rafael?”

“Anything” he breathes. He looks at her with an affectionate reverence and an adoration unmatched by anything he’s ever felt before,

“Promise you’ll never leave me and I’ll love you forever.”

As she looks into his eyes, he sees unwavering passion, but still a whisper of fear and it was his turn to be speechless,

“I-I’d never. Liv I promise you if you gave me the chance to love you I would be incapable of ever leaving you.” 

Suddenly Rafael realises they’re both crying. He steps forward to wipe away her tears, but taking her face in his hands, he’s momentarily captivated by her eyes, before his gaze drops to her lips. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of Olivia like that before, but there was something so much more pure about how he felt about her. So as she looks up at him, blushing like a girl faced with her first love, he leans in towards her, but stops just an inch from her lips, with barely the hint of a smirk, his regular charismatic charm falling back into place, 

“May I?"

Blinking away tears she nods as she closes the gap between them and her lips fall against his. His hands move almost of their own accord as he presses himself closer to her; one tangled through her hair, as he inhales her sweet perfumed scent and the other coming to rest on her hip, clutching her closer to him. He groans at the feeling of her body pressed up against him and her soft lips against his. It feels right, like they fit together in some otherworldly way, like they were meant for each other and only each other to touch. He feels her tremble beneath him as he clutches her closer into his body for a just second, kissing her harder before releasing her, pulling away as she lets out a breathy moan into the gap between them. He has never heard a more beautiful sound. And for a moment it feels just like a dream, and so he takes a second, to just look at her face, to memorise every detail of it and treasure the warmth of the moment before cautiously testing the waters, just to be sure he isn’t standing alone in the middle of the squad room imagining the whole scenario. He reaches for her hand, and smiles, no, beams, as he finally gets to ask the woman he loves, with no fear left in his heart and no doubt in his mind as to the answer:

“Olivia Benson, would you like to go on a date with me?”

She grins up at Rafael, the trails of tears barely visible anymore and the ghost of his lips on hers.

“Dinner and a movie tomorrow night?”

“How about you, me and Noah get takeout and watch Frozen?”

“Sounds perfect.”

And together they let out a deep breath, because it really does sound perfect. And for the first time Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba feel like they have a family. A real, complete, loving family.


End file.
